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Modeling someone that you respect is a great way to push yourself to be better than who you are. Role models help you to set higher benchmarks that will push you to perform better. The beauty of following role models and setting higher benchmarks is that you don’t have to wait to reach those levels to see a marked difference in your life. The journey will produce its own rewards along the way.
So, having the right role models and benchmarks is a double win – a prize at the end and several prizes during the journey.
On the flip side, get the wrong role models and your life can be a mess. All of you are smart to know this and I am sure you will ensure that you will NOT fall for that trap.
It gets tricky when you have a right role model but you choose the wrong benchmark from that role model to follow. The difference is subtle and It is hard to notice it at first. If you make a mistake here, you will take on a journey that will give you a perception that you are on the “right track” for a long time – when in fact, all you will be doing is “getting tired.”
A case in point ( please treat this ONLY as an example )
I was talking to friend about social media and very soon we started talking about Twitter. He was on Twitter for a while and he was frustrated a bit about the fact that hadn’t “broken” the 1000 followers mark yet. He was fascinated by all the people who had hundreds of thousands of followers. His point was that if he took the time to emulate one or two of them he will be on his way to a few thousand followers. He just had to take the time to do it.
Out of curiosity, I asked him to name two or three people that he was totally fascinated by. Upon further prodding, he talked about why he was fascinated by them and why they were his role models. After digging deeper on the topic for a few more minutes, it dawned on him that the people that he was fascinated by needed those Twitter followers to support their core business. It was a “required” part of how they operated in life and business. It was a clear means to an end.
On the other hand, my friend could have done a dozen other things the same time he would have spent getting those Twitter followers. However we sliced it and diced it, we could not find a solid reason for him to have that as part of his strategy to go where he wanted to go.
This is one of those cases where even if he had won, he would have lost in the end.
Now, I am not suggesting that having a LOT of Twitter followers is not worth it. The question is “how much is it worth it for you to spend that time” or asked differently, “what else could you have done in the time you spent on acquiring those Twitter followers?” [May be, may be - if you spend that time where your heart is, those Twitter followers will come anyway ]
To put it another way, you can be fascinated by someone but that does not mean you have to follow everything they are doing. You don’t know the strategy behind all their actions. They are like puzzle pieces in their game. You might see the individual puzzle pieces but only they know how the completed puzzle will look like. They are smart people and obviously what they do is working for them. You can learn from them but do not have to follow ALL their actions unless those actions are aligned to help you fulfill YOUR own strategy.
A mis-aligned benchmark can hurt you in the long run. Only you are RESPONSIBLE to notice the mis-alignment before you make a huge investment.
Self-deprecation is simply under-valuing one’s own talent or abilities. It is to show that you have a low opinion of yourself. Generally, it is an indication that you have a low self-esteem. At an extreme it shows that you have an inferiority complex.
This all looks so negative and how could this be remotely of use when you are trying to distinguish yourself.
The trick is to use it right.
If used right, it can be a powerful way to build rapport and get closer to people.
Why?
(If used right) self-deprecation brings out the human in you and the other person would rather connect with that “human” than connecting with your “corporate avatar.”
How do you design this?
Here are some areas to think about:
1. Self-deprecate in the past:
For example, You can talk about something foolish you did when you were a student. Everyone has done something foolish when they were young – so they can recollect their own follies.
2. Self-deprecate in your area of strength:
If you are a good negotiator, you can talk about how you goofed up in a negotiating situation. Everyone knows that people goof up even in their area of strengths. That gels well.
3. Self-deprecate in an area where people commonly goof up:
Common gaffes and goofups are accepted and only show that you are just like anyone else.
4. Self-deprecate in an area where you have moved on:
People move on and you can talk about areas that didn’t work well for you decided to move on. You can share the pain and sufferings by going after something that didn’t work for you is something people can relate with.
5. Self-deprecate in an area where you were ignorant:
Like an experience during your first startup. There would be so many things that you would not have known without experiencing it first time. Everyone stumbles on something first time especially if it is something significant you are trying. People understand that and can relate well with it.
Self-deprecation is a sensitive area where I don’t want to point to other examples, so I will share my own story where you will see several attempts of self-deprecation ( yes, I have goofed up a lot! )
I have to tell you a story to make this point. Some of you have seen Indian movies and some of you have not. Those of you who have seen an Indian movie will smile at this and those of you who have not will want to see an Indian movie ( a mass-market kind of Indian movie ) after this.
Take 1: The College
A boy meets a girl in a college. They both fall in love and they get married. They live happily ever after.
Your verdict please?
Fail.
What do you mean fail? That story can really happen. Ok rather than arguing with you, let me take another shot at it
Take 2: The College
Ravi was fascinated with Bangalore. His dream was to study in a city. This was probably his third trip outside of his village but the last two trips were just one day trips. This time it was going to be for a long time. The first few days in National College were uneventful. But that changed when Priya walked into the class. Ravi could not place what it was that attracted him to her. Probably it was her blue eyes or the way she smiled. Those dimples. They can take anyone’s breath away.
Long story short. They both fell in love and they got married. They lived happily ever after.
Your verdict please?
Fail?
Come on. It was far better than Take 1. Don’t you think?
OK, no more arguments. Here is another attempt
Take 3: The College
Ravi was fascinated with Bangalore. His dream was to study in a city. This was probably his third trip outside of his village but the last two trips were just one day trips. This time it was going to be for a long time. The first few days in National College were uneventful. But that changed when Priya walked into the class. Ravi could not place what it was that attracted him to her. Probably it was her blue eyes or the way she smiled. Those dimples. They can take anyone’s breath away.
Ravi wanted to know everything about Priya. Just by looking at her clothes and the car she used to drive, he knew that she was way above her league when it comes to status and wealth. He was a great student and all but it would really take a miracle to make this match happen. Over the next few days, they met several times. In the library. At the cafe. She was with her friends and he was with his friends. Their eyes met. He watched her closely. She never bothered to look at him.
Ravi was not someone who was going to give up.
Long story short. They both fell in love and they got married. They lived happily ever after.
Your verdict please?
Fail?
Not again. OK here is one more attempt at this.
Take 4: The College
Ravi was fascinated with Bangalore. His dream was to study in a city. This was probably his third trip outside of his village but the last two trips were just one day trips. This time it was going to be for a long time. The first few days in National College were uneventful. But that changed when Priya walked into the class. Ravi could not place what it was that attracted him to her. Probably it was her blue eyes or the way she smiled. Those dimples. They can take anyone’s breath away.
Ravi wanted to know everything about Priya. Just by looking at her clothes and the car she used to drive, he knew that she was way above her league when it comes to status and wealth. He was a great student and all but it would really take a miracle to make this match happen. Over the next few days, they met several times. In the library. At the cafe. She was with her friends and he was with his friends. Their eyes met. He watched her closely. She never bothered to look at him.
Ravi was not someone who was going to give up until that day. He remembers it very clearly. He was walking with his friends back to the hostel. Priya and two of her friends were walking in front of them. It was quite a distance between them. His friends were talking something but Ravi’s attention was totally on Priya. A black BMW approached the girls and immediately Priya’s friends said good-bye and walked away briskly. A person in a blue-suit got down the car and smiled at Priya. It must be Priya’s Dad. Ravi slowed down a bit when he heard one of his friends say, “OMG..that is Shankar.. guys, let’s just walk away quickly..” The other two just dragged Ravi and all of them started walking briskly. Ravi was confused as he was walking away. He tried to look back and see who Shankar was. His friend said, “Don’t do that Ravi..you don’t want any trouble. It’s not worth it.” Ravi nodded and followed his friends.
Long story short. They both fell in love and they got married. They lived happily ever after.
Your verdict please?
OK, let’s get to the point.
I am sure you were able to notice the progressive introduction of “drama” into the story. If you had not read the first three versions, it would be a bit difficult to notice the “drama” in version four.
Most movies are filled with “drama.” If you don’t learn to notice it, you may start believing that “drama” is real and it would hurt you sooner than later.
Good luck and may you have less “drama” in your life.
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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series: Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Think about last week. You met with a lot of people personally and professionally. Only a handful of them “really connected” with you. Most others ( even those that impressed you ) did not bother to “connect” and you will probably wipe them out of your memory sooner than later.
[ Note: On the flip side, it works the same way for you. Most people that met you will forget you sooner than later ]
Where is the gap?
Why is that most people that you meet don’t “connect” with you?
The gap is simply in establishing the relevance of what they can bring to the table to what you care about.
Think about it.
Most people will quickly establish their expertise, their connections, their accomplishments and their influence. There is enough proof for that. After they have a few accomplishments, it becomes easy – all they have to do is to share what they have done. While this might create a “Wow” experience and also establish their credibility on a topic, it still does not mean what it “means to you.” One has to fill that gap to “really connect” with you.
Why don’t they do that?
Simply because it takes hard work to care about what you care about. It takes hard work to establish the impact they can make with what they bring to the table. It is also not a totally scalable process any more. Why? If they have to keep talking about themselves, they can repeat the same thing all day long. When they have to establish relevance to what you care about, they need to do a lot more thinking. A step before that – they need to have a lot more “caring” about what you care about.
Now, think about those people that “really connected” with you recently. More often than not, they cared for you and most important, they brought something to the table that was “relevant” to what you cared about.
There is good news though. There is less traffic on the road to “really connecting” with people. Most people will stop at establishing how good they are and why they are entitled to all the glory and respect. You could make an exception by filling in the gap by
a) really caring AND
b) establishing the relevance of what you bring to the table to what “they” care about.
Have a great week ahead.
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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series: Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
Request: Please bear with me on the complex looking title for this blog post. That is the closest I could get to explain what I want to explain.
Any job you take, there are two kinds of skills that you will work with
1. Core Skills – that help you with your core job. If you are in software, than that would be programming, design, testing etc.
2. Portable Skills – you might also call them supporting skills. “Support” here is sort of “over-loaded” meaning they are supporting you to help you get your job done and they are also supporting you to grow. These skills usually go the background. Examples of them are communicating well, working with teams, leadership, conflict resolution etc.
If you lack in core skills, you will suffer in the short-term.
If you lack in portable skills, you will suffer in the long-term.
If you lack in core skills, others will notice you immediately and it hurts.
If you lack in portable skills, you will not STAND OUT of the crowd. It sill hurts but in the short-term.
Rarely does your employer spends time, energy and effort to get you better at your portable skills. They want you to perform well in your core skills but they expect that you to develop your portable skills on your own. A small percentage of them will develop them anyway and they start growing in their careers and the others fade away. So there is no “extra effort” required by employers to do something special for employees. Statistically, things just work out fine for employers.
However, it is YOU who have to take care of yourself as it is your life.
Here is one way to take care of yourself – increase granularity of your portable skills.
Granularity is the relative size, scale, level of detail, or depth of penetration that characterizes an object or activity. If you don’t focus, your portable skills are typically less granular than your core skills simply because anything short-term takes over anything long-term. You have to force yourself to increase the granularity. How do you do it? By giving equal importance to your core skills and portable skills development. It seems easy but it’s not. Since there is no external pressure to improve your portable skills (your employer wants you to deliver flawlessly with your core skills and they expect you to have “enough” portable skills to support this) it is only YOU that can take some solid action.
There is enough material online and offline to take you to the next level on your portable skills. What is lacking is awareness to make this important in your life, motivation to do something about it, action (actually doing something about it) and sustenance (to continue to keep at it)
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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series: Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
When I was at the San Francisco Airport recently, I couldn’t help notice the giant size Tiger Woods ad from Accenture. I didn’t have a problem with the message on the Ad, which read:
“The road to high performance isn’t always paved.”
But based on the recent events in the life of Tiger Woods, it was time to change the Ad to something else.
Of course, this is easier said than done. I have seen these ads in multiple airports and several other Billboards elsewhere. It would cost millions for Accenture to get these replaced.
Enough said on that.
Let us look at another angle. The price that Accenture has to pay for what happened is not because of anything that Accenture did. When Accenture made a deal with Tiger Woods, there was an indirect responsibility placed on Tiger Woods that he would enhance or maintain his personal brand. Without that, the deal does not have the same value that it had when it was originally made.
Now Tiger Woods would not have signed any contract to that effect. Think of it like an unwritten (or even ethical) contract. Nobody asks for it but everyone assumes that one would live by it.
Now, not many people have a celebrity status like Tiger Woods. But everyone has an indirect responsibility towards people and organizations they are (and were) associated with them.
You too have that.
The school you attended, the teachers that taught you, your friends, your close family all of them expect that you lead a good life. You mess up and you not only hurt yourself but everyone that’s associated with you. It is your “responsibility” to not hurt yourself. It is your “indirect responsibility” to not hurt people associated with you.
Please don’t forget the (indirect) responsibility.
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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series: Squidoo: Distinguish Yourself
What is said is important. Equally important is what is not said. If you are not noticing is “what is not said,” you might be missing a LOT more than you think you are.
To illustrate the point, I am going to use a song from one of my favorite movies “Music and Lyrics.” The song is just around 2 minutes.
Follow along with me on this experiment (meaning: don’t cheat)
First step: Listen to the 2-minute song without watching the video. Simply click on play and then close your eyes for 2 minutes. If you are too busy and can’t spare 2 minutes, please proceed to step 2 (not recommended but it works too.)
Second step: Just watch the video along with the song. This time, observe everything. Try to see the story that is being told. Try to notice why something and someone are there.
Third step: Reflect for a few seconds how much more richer the experience was when you started noticing what was left unsaid.
I have provided some of my observations to trigger your thinking. They are no way complete and you may have better interpretations than what is being told here.
Here are my observations:
0:00 The camera pans through the entire room giving you an idea of where this is happening. The setting is that of a large party hall in a hotel room.
0:05 There is a banner to show that it’s a class of ‘87 Reunion. So, we know that it’s the get-together of a tribe.
0:10 You see a bunch of women cheering Hugh Grant. There is absolutely no men around that place. Shows that he is popular among women.
0:30 You see a name badge on one of the women confirming again that they are all part of a tribe.
0:35 You see “1987″ in big fonts in the background reminding you again that it’s a class reunion of ‘87.
0:38 You see so many women wearing a POP! t-shirt – showing how crazy they are on something POP! ( It’s a popular band in the 80s in the movie)
0:50 Shows a bunch of really bored men. They probably wanted this song to end right away. Making it clear again that Hugh’s target audience is women ONLY.
0:52 Shows Hugh’s Manager imitating Hugh’s dance and is totally engaged with what’s happening. Indicates special relationship between the two.
1:05 Half way through the song, two women enter. Drew Barrymore and her sister. From the expression on her sister’s face, you know that she is a huge fan of Hugh Grant.
1:20 Drew Barrymore’s sister can’t wait to get in front of the line and runs. Shows that she is not just one of those fans but someone that adores Hugh
1:24 Drew Barrymore shakes her head in disbelief. Shows that she is really not into all this now ( at leas at that time )
1:51 Drew Barrymore shows from her smile that she does think Hugh and his dance are cute.
2:00 Hugh’s Manager is imitating (or giving a cue to Hugh) Hugh’s dance moves. Shows that he is more than a Manager – he is more like a friend invested in Hugh’s success
2:06 Hugh hurts his back during his dance moves. Gives a clue about his age.
2:32 Hugh’s Manager steps out with a clear concern for Hugh. Shows the level of friendship there again.
Last but not least, I have to say that there is a lot of thought that has gone into making this song. So every little thing that happens has a meaning attached to it.
In a business situation, this may not be the case but the need for noticing what is left unsaid will not go away.
Everyone can hear what is said, only a few will notice and powerfully interpret “what is left unsaid.”
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Note 1: Here is a Squidoo lens that links to most of the previous articles in this series:
Note: Thanksgiving is coming soon but I wanted to share this way before that date. You will see why as you read the post.
Everyone knows that an attitude of gratitude is important to grow. In fact, you might remember your parents telling you to be thankful to people that help you.
Yes, I subscribe to the above views whole-heartedly.
You are where you are today because of MANY people who helped you get here. It is easy to forget the people that helped you. Sometimes you might think most of your success is because you are smart and of course you did some get a little help here and there. In most cases you are wrong. In reality, you are not so smart and you got a LOT of help to get to where you are today.
So, the first step is to recognize the real contribution of people around you and to go ahead and thank them.
There are many ways to thank people. Here are some:
Send them an email
Call them and thank them
Take them out for coffee or lunch
Send them a greeting card
Send them a gift card
Send them a gift
Send them money
Send them flowers
I can go on.. there are a thousands of ways to thank someone. Some are easy and some are difficult. Some cost nothing and some cost a fortune. Some are useless and some are meaningful.
If you spend a few minutes though, you can find some thoughtful AND powerful ways of thanking people.
Think about it.
The best way to thank someone is to help them with their project without adding additional cost to their lives. Do something that will enrich their lives.
People are always working on ONE or more projects both in their personal and professional lives ( for more on this, please read the introductory chapters of “Beyond Code” [foreword by Tom Peters] – Free download here) However powerful they are, they need help. They help others but they need help too. In the world of social media, it is not hard to see “what matters most” to the person that has helped you. You are smart and it is not hard to imagine how you can add value to one of more of this person’s projects in a meaningful way.
I can provide ideas but you can come up with your own. The key is to do something that enriches the life of the person that has enriched you. To make it even better, do something that will not introduce new costs in the life of this person.
Go ahead, thank that someone before the upcoming thanksgiving day and do it powerfully.
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Note 1: Here are links to the other 200 articles in the series
Marketplace is right most of the time. It will set the price for what you bring to the table – based on the supply and demand equations that exist (all the time)
Smart people sometimes hit a roadblock when they don’t get what they truly deserve. What they don’t realize is that in many cases they are the ones to blame for that situation.
Here is a typical scenario:
As you become an expert, it takes you less time to complete a task in your area of expertise. As they grow their expertise in the area, the time takes keeps shrinking.
Now, let us look at the external world. There are broadly two kinds of people there.
1. Those that measure value by output: These people will be delighted to have you on your side. They don’t care how long it takes to complete something. They are focused on the output or outcome. If you take less time, that does not make the work less valuable. In fact, they are willing to pay you a premium as they save a ton of time because they engaged with you.
2. Those that measure value by input: These people think that if something needs to be valuable, you have to put in a lot of effort. If you produce something quickly, you have put in less effort – meaning it MUST be less valuable.
If you are an expert, you will thrive when you are working with the first group of people. Similarly, you will be frustrated if you are working with the second group of people.
So, what do you do?
The quick thing to do is to observe and notice who you are working with. If you bring something valuable but are not valued, you may not know how to demonstrate the value or you may be working with people who value by the input. If you don’t know how to demonstrate the value, the responsibility is on you to educate yourself.
If the people who you are working with don’t want to see the value, you may be tempted to try and educate them. That would be a huge opportunity cost. People rarely change.
The better option for you is to dis-engage when your work is valued less. You will be better off finding people who value your work.
All the best!
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Note 1: Here are links to the other 200 articles in the series
Everyone has ideas and a small percentage of them will execute on their ideas too.
However, not all ideas fly.
No, I am not talking about world-changing or radical ideas. I am thinking about everyday ideas that get stifled and buried. You want them to fly but they don’t take off.
What could be the problem?
Most ideas lack wings.
Ideas need wings to take off.
You can add wings easily but it takes a little bit of thinking and effort to attach the wings to those ideas.
To get you to start thinking, here are a few basic examples:
#1. Too much extra baggage
You write a brilliant idea in your email and send this to your Boss. However, you include a bunch of unrelated things in the same email.
Your Boss loves the idea and wants to share with a few other people. However, he realizes that he or she has to do some work ( remove unrelated stuff) to sanitize it before he or she sends it.
Soon the idea goes to the background and fizzles away.
#2 Not packaged well enough
You can’t judge a book by its cover but without a good cover someone may not pick up the book to read.
You complete a project brilliantly and rather than sending a packaged report on the project, you send a two-line email.
You are not giving enough for someone to spread your idea.
#3 Being too humble
There was a pinch and you came in the last minute on Friday to save the project. You work all over the weekend to fix something that’s almost broken. You break your back to fix everything and get everything set for the Monday meeting.
When asked about how you fixed everything, you mention that “It was a small problem and it was really nothing.”
Not everyone has the time to dig deeper so life goes on.
I can go on with a few dozen examples. Everyday ideas with no wings being fizzled out. Ideas that should have taken off but unfortunately wither away.
Before you take on a world-changing idea to work on, start adding wings to your everyday ideas and let them fly.
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