Have a wonderful Sunday and speak with you soon.

Best,
Rajesh

As you can imagine from my story, I have gone through my own set of trials and tribulations and have got a lot of help along the way. Without that HELP, I would really be nothing.

You have a wonderful weekend and please keep in touch.

Best,
Rajesh

Somehow I am not beliving that a famous author has been replying me like my own friend. I beg to differ when you say you were a partner till the end of the book. You are yet guiding me as a partner. Thank you.

Yes, I never thought bad about her..I never reacted badly or abused when she used to say bad words to me due to anger.. I always remained silent. This is why I said that I discovered that I could learn patiently every thing from those who I love or have loved. I think it’s kind of good managerial skills. Irony is, she has not forgotten me and she has been trying to do thinks to grab my intentions because she took me for granted. she believed that no matter whatever she says, I would not leave her but then I am a human..it was she who asked for cold shoulder.

I am pretty much moved on. Thankfully a friend introduced you via your book and it helped me a lot as well. thanks again for the lovely book.

I am sorry i wrote lots of crap and saved few CPU cycles of yours.

once again! Thank you Sir!!!

/A

Here is a quick story first:

Two Buddhist Monks were walking towards the Monastery for prayer. On the way, they came across a very beautiful girl standing along the river. Like them she also wanted to cross the river, but since the river was too high with strong current, she waited for someone who can help her cross. One of the Monks took her on his shoulders and helped her cross the river. The other Monk was thoroughly scandalized. He scolded his companion continuously for two hours for what he called, ‘the breach of rules’. “Have you forgotten that you are a Monk? How can you touch a women, and that too carry her on your back? Do you know what the people would say about your deed? Have you not realized that you disgraced the holy religion?” and so on. The Monk who carried the girl took it quite gamely. He said, “Brother, I carried the woman and dropped her on the bank of the river, but you are still carrying her on your back.”

Whatever happened has happened and probably the girl that walked out has forgotten about you and moved on. Wish her well and also please take care of yourself.

This TIME will never come back and you have a long way to go.

Wish you the very best.

Cheers,
Rajesh

I know this is not your area ..may be it is because I know I performed bad when I was going thru crisis. I was about to get engaged, the girl suddenly stepped back since she didn’t like something and she assumed nothing can be done.. She was being like what you said in your book,a kind of pessimistic people who never admits their negativity and try to cover it up by talking about ‘reality’ and ‘practicality’. Irony is that she didn’t give me a single chance to provide solutions. I did have solutions but she didn’t listen. I tried my level best. she put all blame on me and walked out. IN short,I was blamed for someone else’s sins. I hate to curse fate and blaming it because I believe that fate is driven by our own decisions..kind of If-then-else checks who are used to change “default values”.

Since I am an IT professional, what would you suggest to keep personal matters out of professional matters? Somehow I did manage but yes I used to be gloomy most of the time at office.

I would also add that I did learn something in past relationship. I used to think that I will always be a short-tempered person but I found out that I am a person who could compromise at any length. I also learnt that I am very dedicated and persistent. I want to improve these newly discovered talents and want to use in both professional and person life. Any advice.

Thankyou

Thank you for your note. I love the lesson from your teacher – “No one makes me angry; I elect my behavior.”

Thanks for sharing and have a great weekend.

Best,
Rajesh

I have yet to read Life Beyond Code, but it’s on my list for when life slows down a little bit (end of this college semester?). I ran across your blog somehow in my travels online and have appreciated the nuggets of wisdom you post.

This particular post resonated with me. You see, I learned this the hard way a couple years ago during a particularly rough spot at work. I’m grateful for the reminder that we determine our own responses to life events.
My college professor I respect stated it this way, “No one makes me angry; I elect my behavior.” Good words to live by.

On the situation that you described, I hesitate to offer my perspective only because I wouldn’t know the entire context. But, here are some pointers (something to think about):

1. You mentioned about an insult from someone who you loved more than your life. What didn’t come across is that the insult was from someone who loved you more than their life. So that’s the first clue there.

2. Since the insult was not valid and it came from a person that means a lot to you, one thing you can do is to just ask for a clarification – why did the person insult in the first place and what was his or her perspective the triggered this action.

3. In any case, however you look at it, dealing this with lesser stress is a better option as you might avoid further damages that way.

I know it is hard and don’t hesitate to get some help from someone who are experts in dealing with these issues.

Best,
Raj

I recently became a fan of your after reading Beyond code. An awesome attempt and my prayers are for you.

speaking of stress..what would you suggest if one gets an insult from someone you loved more than life, the insult which was not valid as well? any advice?

thanks